If only...

I really wish I could make up my mind. I can't for the life of me decide if I want to go to graduate school. Reasons to go: I'll be a Master. I love school. I want to teach college speech classes, which will require at least a masters and then probably a PhD at some point. I want to do academic advising at a University. I want to do some big time charity fundraising. I want to become a much better writer. I want to write a book. I'm hoping it will lead to an actual full time job. If I teach college classes I will have more flexibility as a mom later on. Reasons not to go: Grad school is hella expensive. Homework and studying will consume the little bit of time I get to spend with Chris. I don't want to wait another two+ years to start a family, but I don't want to have a baby while in grad school. I don't want to take the GRE because I'm lame. If it doesn't help me get a full time job I will be another $20,000 in the hole, still working part time. I'll cry. I know there are more reasons to go than not to go. I just can't decide. I want a family. I want it soon. Is it stupid to get a masters degree so that I can have kids and work part time? Because that's what my plan is after the babies happen. Make some babies and teach speech part time. Then one day, after I home school my babies, go back full time to advising, hopefully at a University in Washington or Oregon. It sounds like a good plan, but I know that a good sounding plan doesn't necessarily mean things are going to work out well.

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