Finding light in the darkness

I don't talk about my faith much on this blog. Mostly, I don't talk about it because it's not something I'm good at putting into words. But I've been struggling a lot recently. My heart has been filled with anger, regret, sadness, hopelessness, and fear a lot in the last few months. So I decided to start a bible reading plan this year. When I made my goals for the year I included "read the new testament", I've kind of amended that to just read the dang bible. Read whatever makes me feel full, joyful, grateful, hope filled, loved, passionate, strengthened, and at peace.

I own six bibles and an additional new testament, just in case, plus a handful of other christian literature/devotionals, I have the Bible app on my phone, and both of my Kindles. You'd think that the relatively large presence of books on faith on my bookcase and in my purse would prompt me to get around to reading about it more often. It hasn't. As a former missionary's kid, I know surprising little about the bible. Did you know that the bible talks about dinosaurs? They really did just miss the ark! I had no idea. Bible stories? I know about four. Jonah ends up in a whale, David flings a rock at Goliath, Jesus was born in a barn, and Adam and Eve were perfectly happy naked in that garden until they went snacking on fruit from the tree of knowledge and all hell broke loose, literally. I might know a few more bits a pieces than that, but honestly it's sad. The kindergartners in Sunday school could kill me at Bible story jeopardy, and they are 6.

So yesterday I started a Bible reading plan from She Reads Truth on my Bible app. It's a plan called Fresh Start, which is exactly what I need. I just need to hit the reset button on life right now. I need to learn to let go. I need to let go of my anger and fear. I need to find peace in the word of God, and know that his plan is greater than mine. I need to let go of what I thought I wanted, and let God fill me with what I need. I need to learn to be obedient and patient, because why would God reward me with more, when I can't handle the blessings he's already given me. I need to be still, and know that he is God. I need to live for him, and not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.

2012 had some very high highs and some very low lows. In 2013 I need to regain my balance. I need a relatively uneventful year. I need to spend time reading my bible, talking to Jesus, and listening to his words. I need to find myself in Christ, whatever that looks like, and be that Natalie. I want to be a better wife, friend, daughter, sister, and stranger. I know that I can find all of this and more if I'd just open my freaking bible, so that's what I'm going to do.

I have always escaped the hard times in my life by reading books. I was just always more likely to read books about fantasy lands and flirty mysteries like this:

When I should have been reading one of these:

I'll try to keep you updated on my reading and I'll share verses I find comforting or inspiring. Feel free to leave your favorite verses or inspiring quotes in the comments.

“The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14 NIV


  1. My favorite verse has always been Philippians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

    But I came across this one at Bible Study just this morning and it really resonated with me. From Isaiah 55:2 - "Why spend money on what is not bread,/and your labor on what does not satisfy?/Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,/and your soul will delight in the richest of fare."

    1. Thanks! I ended up starting three reading plans, and then one of them I read the whole plan worth of chapters in one night. One of the chapters I read was Philippians 4, and I marked Philippians so I remember to go back and read that book again sometime soon. I love the books that are letters, that style of delivery speaks to me.


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