Mother's Day 2017


I hope all of the mothers in my life had a wonderful Mother's Day. 

I went to church and lunch with my family and then we had dessert and the moms and grandmas opened presents at my parents house. We spent the afternoon hanging out and playing with Molly. It was a nice low key way to celebrate the wonderful women in our family. 

I know first hand that Mother's Day can be a hard day. It's a day every year that I want to skip. It's the day I know someone will ask why I don't have kids, or say that it's a shame I don't have kids because I'd make a great mother, or give me a hard time for not adding to Nana's little blessings. I know people mean well. I know they don't mean to hurt my feelings or make me feel inadequate, or make me feel like I have failed at life by not becoming a mother. 

Most of these people don't know anything about my life. They don't know that I would make an amazing mother, what if I'm secretly a criminal or crack head? I'm not by the way.. but they don't know that. They don't know about the years I desperately wanted kids, but couldn't figure out how to make it work for us. They don't know about the times I sat in my craft room and cried, because when we bought our house that was supposed to become a nursery or a kids room for a foster kid. They don't know the work it took for me to know that it's OK if I don't end up having a family that looks like my friend's families. And that a family of two is still a family. 

When I dig deep, I know I don't want biological children, and that is really hard for people to understand. It took me years to know for sure that it's really what I want. And while I want to foster or adopt, I know we might not ever have that chance and I am OK with that too. Why can't other people be OK with that?

Every year before I go to church to be with my mom for Mother's Day, I have to give myself a pep talk because that is going to be one of the hardest hours of my year. A place where I should be able to go to feel the love of God and celebrate my mom, but instead will feel the shame of not being a mother. 

So if you have a hard time on Mother's Day I understand. I may not struggle in the same way you do, but know you aren't alone no matter what your struggle is. 

Every year I focus on enjoying my mother, grandmother, aunts, sister in law, and friends that are mothers on Mother's Day because they deserve every bit of that celebration. 

I am so grateful for my mom and all of the amazing things she has done and continues to do for me and Christopher and my siblings. She is an amazing woman and I don't know where I'd be without her. 

Comments

  1. I admire how bravely, honestly, and eloquently you cover these types of topics on your blog.

    Mother's Day is a complicated day, and I'm sorry it's such a rough one for you!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. This particular day of the year has been on my mind for years and I finally decided it was time to talk about it.

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  2. THIS!!! I can't like this enough. It is hard to be upset with people because if you have never felt it then idea that a simple question could be so heavy would never cross your mind. You are a mom to Lucy and you are not sure how your story will play out but you should never feel shame because your life worth is not based on raising children. I know everyone's struggle is different but I have felt similar pain and I am a very good listener if you ever need to just cry to someone who has cried many tears I am here!

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