My First Mammogram
In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I thought I’d share my first mammogram experience.
Last month I had my first mammogram. I wasn’t sure what to expect other than I needed to wear a two-piece outfit, couldn’t wear deodorant, and boob squishing that may or may not be sort of to very uncomfortable.
I arrived 30 minutes early as instructed, checked in, and waited about 8 minutes before the technician came to get me. I’ve never seen a medical professional so quickly in my life.
Then I changed into this stunning gown that barely fit around my boobs.
I wasn’t allowed to take a picture of the machine for some reason, so here is one I stole from the internet.
I quickly realized that the gown was just going to get in the way, so I shed that bitch, which the tech said most people do. Seems like unnecessary laundry to me.
Then the nice lady manhandled my boobs into all kinds of positions between the plastic trays, a few on each side. I held my breath a few times while the machine did its work, and it was over. Including changing in and out of the useless gown, it took like 15 minutes.
The most awkward part is having a stranger be that close to you while you’re half-naked and not allowed to wear deodorant. The physically uncomfortable parts lasted about a minute at a time, so not too crazy. I wasn’t super uncomfortable, but I know that varies by person.
I did experience a little skin tearing where my underboob meets my chest on one side, but I have stupidly sensitive skin. I put a little Aquaphor on it, no biggie.
It was raining when I finished, so I didn’t get too wild celebrating crossing that off my to-do list, but I did go to get myself a latte.
And I immediately spilled that damn latte on my white shirt. Because, of course.
So if you’re 40+ and haven’t had your mammogram yet this year or at all, just schedule that shit. It’s quick and a good excuse to treat yourself afterward.
Also, should we start a picture book series for 40+ women on all the new and exciting medical procedures we may or may not need? I think My First Mammogram would be a good start.
